Momma Milestone

It seems for the past 18 months I've posted about nothing but baby/toddler milestones. But this time we're meeting another milestone. One I wish I didn't have to meet. It's bittersweet. Tomorrow marks 10 years (10 years???) since Momma's homegoing. I grieved her well before she actually went home. Her death was almost a relief because that meant her pain and suffering was over. But the 10 year anniversary makes it feel so...final. After 10 years I can finally talk about her and her battle without choking up. I've finally reached that place where I was *right* after she died. When I was so full of pride of her and the awareness she brought to breast cancer. But after losing 2 more members in our immediate family so soon, also to cancer, I began to feel like everything that was near and dear to me was dying. Mom, Pappaw, little Lyndsy, and then top it off with two miscarriages. I would always wonder, who's next? But now it's 10 years later.

I have to admit I get very jealous of our friends who are able to watch both their parents interact with their children. I want that for Cady so bad. I know Momma would've been such a doting Grandma. And I know she's watching and so proud. Plus she has two of our babies up there with her now. It's bittersweet in that 10 years later means she's even further and further in my past. But it's sweet to be so much more healed emotionally than I was 5 years ago. And now I have the most amazing Step Mother I could ever ask for. She was definitely a God send! Have I mentioned before that her husband, who died of cancer after Momma died, also shared a birthday with Momma? That just blew me away. So here we are, 10 years later, and our family is still so very much blessed with love and support. I can say now that I'm okay with how things went down. Of course I wish she didn't have to die such an agonizing, lengthy death. But if it wasn't for losing her, I would never in a million years have come to know the amazing Step Mom I have now. And watching her with Cady is so awesome. Cady loves her to death. That's another bittersweet moment. I want Cady to know what's she missing out on. But at the same time I'm glad she won't have that heartache and that Grandma Monica is just as wonderful.

Mom's always dreamed that on her and Dad's 25th anniversary they would take a cruise. Well, they fell short of that by a couple years. But on the year of her 10 years in heaven, we'll take that trip for her.  It seems every trip we've attempted to take as a couple, something always goes wrong: car wreck, miscarriage, sickness. But this time, it's for Mom. And I'm trying my hardest to make the most of this trip and make her proud.

I love you Momma. I'll make sure Cady knows you as well as I can through pictures and stories. I know it's amazing where you are and I can't wait to share in that with you. Give everybody a hug for me. Love you. Leah.