A missing piece.

I've been very hesitant for quite some time (months) to post this blog. Partly because I'm not sure if this is a universal feeling or just me. Partly because I don't want to come across as whiney, needy, and pitiful. And partly because I'm afraid of stepping on toes. I don't know WHY this would step on toes, but anybody who really knows me knows that I hate confrontation, hurting feelings, or having any reason for somebody to think ill of me. So, there's my disclaimer for this post.

For some time I've been missing, craving, and longing for a special bond. A special relationship. No, I'm not talking about romantic. I'm talking about that bond only sisters have. And if you don't have a sister, like me, it's that special bond you feel with another female. A bond so strong it's almost like you're sisters. Somebody I can run to, cry to, vent to. Anything, whether it's a joyous occasion or a somber occasion. I know I know. I have several people around who care about us, me, our life, Cady. But I don't feel that special connection. I don't have *that* somebody that when something exciting happens I automatically think, "I HAVE to call..... and tell her about this!"

I'm not from here, so all my girlfriends of past and present are scattered. Literally across the United States. My friends of past have moved on and formed new relationships where they grew that special bond. My friends of present are mostly from around here so they already have that bond with old friends from school. Those who aren't from around here are military so they find that bond with other military wives. All this is fine. I'm happy for them. But also jealous. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong or if it's just a dry spell and one day I'll find somebody. But for right now it's so lonely. I know it's silly, but it is. During my walk last night I fought back tears the entire time because I missed that feeling so badly. Of course Justin can't understand. It's not his fault. #1 He's male. #2 He's my husband and wants nothing more than to fix this broken feeling I have.

With staying at home with Cady, that greatly inhibits my outside relationships. So this fall my goal is to get out more. With her a little older that should come a little easier. I want to join the community center so I can get in some exercise. I want to join a Wednesday morning bible study. Since we'll be living in Cabot it'll be easier to get together with friends and other stay at home moms. All I have to do is put forth a little effort. It's just so easy to get in a rut at this stage of life.