Growing Excitement

When I was pregnant with Cady, I'll be honest, I was more excited about being pregnant and planning for a baby than actually having a baby. Probably because I had FINALLY proven to myself that I could carry a baby to term and I wanted to soak every bit of it in just in case we had issues again. The night/day I was in labor I actually grieved the impending end to my pregnancy and resented her a little. But not for long. The expectation of the fairy tale instant bonding with Cady didn't happen for me. When she was born I had no idea how to feel. Probably linked to my PPD but I've definitely grown a bond with her now. I think the fact that I've figured out that mommy-child bond has made me more excited about this one. I'm so over the pregnancy part and just want to see what kind of personality we'll be dealing with. We know more of what we're getting ourselves into so I'm just ready to get the choas started. All my friends with 2 or more children say that the transition wasn't too bad. I call them all liars, but one friend said she guessed that she was expecting it to be so bad that it wasn't that bad at all. I'm one of those expecting to need anti-depressants for the next 10 years and turning into "Mommy Dearest" or the mom from Sybil. Not saying I will act like that so please don't go calling DHS. But I have this expectation in my head that I will totally lose it with having 2 kids. So hopefully life proves me wrong. I want so much to enjoy the first year with Addison more than I allowed myself with Cady. I don't want to put the pressure on myself like I did the first time. With nursing, schedules, etc. Yes, they're both important. But I want to be a little more lax and not feel like I HAVE to keep nursing even if she's not latching right, my supply is low, and she's refluxing (which we faced ALL these plus some with Cady yet I made myself stick it out until 8 months when it was doctor ordered to go to formula because she was losing weight.) Anyway, all that to say, I'm looking more forward to delivery this time. I just can't wait to meet the little booger. I had my first realistic dream about her the other night where I was nursing her and she nursed *perfectly*. Let's hope so!!! 9 weeks and counting...